Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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