I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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