Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
