Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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