Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
