UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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