Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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