he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
