someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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