After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
