I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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