she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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