His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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