You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
