left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
