shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
