I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His nipple licking is glorious
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