Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
