just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
