Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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