My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
