If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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