hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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