I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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