Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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