Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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