Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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