Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.