i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.