I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
