the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My brain says no but my pants say off.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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