I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
