Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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