So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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