I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
