I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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