two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
