U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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