she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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