saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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