woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
