I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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