i just had sex bonerless
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize