It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
