Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
