Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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