Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
