and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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