He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
