i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
