with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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