i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
