meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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