Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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