What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
