i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
