Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
