I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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