my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
