my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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