I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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