I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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