i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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