I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
